


Trials of Infancy

by Illusinia



Series: Darcy Stark Series [4]
Category: Iron Man (Movies), Thor (2011)
Genre: Humor, Parenthood
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-05-17
Updated: 2012-05-17
Packaged: 2017-11-05 12:45:41
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,261
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/406536
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Illusinia/pseuds/Illusinia
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The antics which occur within the Stark-Potts Household during Darcy's first year of life.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Trials of Infancy

**Author's Note:**

> Sorry if anyone seems too out of character. Its hard to keep them in character when we haven't seen them deal with situations like these.

Pepper sighed as she hung up the phone and walked into the nursery where Tony sat rocking Darcy. His forehead was drawn with worry as he whispered soothing noises at his daughter. She fussed a little in his arms, but mostly she was quiet, if not clearly uncomfortable. He'd put a wet rag on her forehead.

 

“Well, the doctor says not to worry,” sighed Pepper as she set the phone on the changing table and moved to stand beside Tony. “Apparently, infants get fevers and not low ones. We just need to monitor her and make sure the fever doesn't get too high.”

 

Tony's frown deepened and he looked up at Pepper with worry-filled eyes. “Really. There's nothing we can give her? Nothing at all? Of all the medical arsenal that's available there's _nothing at all_ _that they can give her._ ”

 

Pepper shook her head. “I sent Happy out for a infant fever reducer but the doctor advised against using it unless her fever starts to shows signs of becoming dangerous.”

 

“Great,” sighed Tony unhappily as Darcy began to fuss again. Frustration was clearly painted across his face now, mixed with the worry even as his voice lowered to comfort his daughter. “There, there, baby girl. It's alright. Daddy Tony's here and so's Mommy Pepper. We'll take care of you sweetheart.”

 

A faint smile drew across Pepper's lips as she reached out to take Darcy. “She'll be alright Tony, we'll make sure she is. You need to get some sleep though, otherwise you'll get sick.”

 

Tony shook his head but stood to stretch none the less. “I'm good Pep, really. I don't want to leave her alone.”

 

Pepper's smile grew a little more as she lay Darcy in her crib. “We need to let her sleep Tony, that's the best thing for her right now.”

 

“Fine,” huffed Tony, exhaustion clearly starting to take its toll. “But can you at least be in here to monitor her?”

 

“Tony...” muttered Pepper with a smile as she took his arm and led him from the room. “I promise, she'll be fine. I'll check on her frequently but you need to get some sleep. I know its been at least two days since you last slept.”

 

“I'm fine,” protested Tony, even as he yawned. “Really, I can keep going.”

 

Pepper gave him a 'no you're not' look and pushed him into his bedroom. “Get some sleep Tony. I'll have Happy lay down with you if you don't.”

 

“That's just mean Pep,” pouted Tony even as he started stripping. Pepper averted her eyes, allowing her gaze to take in the rest of the room.

 

Clothes and other various things lay scattered around the room hap-hazardly and clearly thrown there without thought. Which was completely Tony. He was one of the most absent-minded people she knew, which made her job a nightmare sometimes.

 

A cleared off part of the dresser caught her attention though, notable the three frames which rested there. One contained a photo of Tony's own parents, complete with him as a young child. Another was of Tony with Dummy, the first robot he'd ever built and that he'd kept all of these years despite the issues said robot often caused. Well, a robot who could operate a fire extinguisher was always a good thing around this household, so Pepper couldn't argue. The last image surprised Pepper enough that she had to pick it up and make sure her eyes weren't playing tricks on her. It was a picture of her holding Darcy at the hospital. Tony stood beside and a little behind her, grinning down at the infant in her arms. In that pose, they actually looked like a real family rather than what they were: a genius and his personal assistant raising his kid.

 

“Great shot, right? Rhody caught it at the hospital,” explained Tony as he crawled into his bed. “I'm gonna put it in Darcy's room when she's a little older so she'll always have a photo of her family.”

 

Tears pricked in the corners of Pepper's eyes. “It's a beautiful idea.”

 

“Good,” murmured the genius as he started to drift off. “Want her to know we love her...”

 

Pepper carefully set the frame back on the dresser and flipped off the lights in the room. “I'm sure she already knows that Tony.”

 

“Hope so...” His words trailed off as sleep took him away and Pepper was careful to quietly shut the door before making her way back towards the nursery.

 

Darcy lay in her crib, asleep even though the fever appeared to be causing her fitful dreams. Her little feet would kick every once in a while or one of her hands would flail slightly, but otherwise she seemed to remain asleep. With a worried sigh of her own, Pepper sat down in the chair that Tony had vacated and pulled out a book she had been meaning to read. It was a parenting guide of sorts, one her own mother had recommended she try. Flipping to the chapter on medical conditions, she began to read.

 

 

Pepper blinked her eyes in an attempt to clear the image of the clock sitting two feet from her head. The flashing numbers told her it was close to midnight. Maybe three hours since she'd kicked Tony off to bed.

 

Yawning, she sat up slowly in an attempt to avoid a head rush. The book in her lap struck the ground, causing her to jump a little. Quickly, she glanced towards the crib but no noise came from inside. Slowly, Pepper scooped up the book and set it on the changing table before moving to check up on Darcy.

 

Only the crib was empty.

 

“How in the world...” started Pepper but a crash from downstairs had her bolting towards the kitchen.

 

Her heels were abandoned in the hall as a smoke alarm started going off and she nearly fell down the stairs when the sound of a crying infant and Tony's constant cursing reached her ears. In seconds she was crashing through the door to the kitchen, which allowed the rather large cloud of smoke to billow out of the small space. And also resulted in her getting a face full of fire-extinguisher foam.

 

“Shit. Sorry about that Pep,” apologized Tony as she reached up to wipe some of the foam off her face so she could at least glare at the billionaire. He shot her an apologetic smile and handed her a towel before heading to pull the smoke alarm off the ceiling and remove the battery. The incessant beeping stopped almost immediately, though Darcy continued to cry until Tony scooped her up and began to rock her.

 

“Tony,” started Pepper slowly as she wiped more of the foam off her face. “Why was the smoke alarm going of? Better yet, why are you _in the kitchen_ at midnight to begin with?”

 

Tony shrugged. “I wanted some eggs. And Darce was starting to whimper again when I poked my head into the nursery. Oh, her fever broke by the way. She was fine when I went to pick her up.”

 

“Good,” muttered Pepper, glancing around the room. For the first time since she stepped into the kitchen, Pepper actually took a look at the kitchen. And wished she hadn't.

 

A light haze of smoke still filled the room, though most of it had vented out the window Tony had opened. Egg shells lay scattered across one counter while Darcy's carrier sat on the island in the middle of the kitchen. A still-smoking pot sat in the sink and another was on the stove covered in fire-extinguisher foam. Drops and splashes of egg covered the counters and floor in places. Tony was never going to be allowed in the kitchen again.

 

Counting backwards from 50, Pepper focused on breathing and not killing Tony. Mostly for Darcy's sake. “Tony, you are _never_ allowed in the kitchen again. At least not to cook. Now, go back to bed and take Darcy upstairs with you.”

 

“No thanks, not tired,” dismissed Tony as he rocked Darcy gently. “Besides, I'm still hung-”

 

Pepper grabbed a banana off the counter and shoved it at Tony. “Go eat this in your room then go to sleep. You're going to end up sick if you don't.”

 

“But-” started Tony only to have Pepper cut him off with a wave of her hand, a glare, and a motion towards the door. For a moment, she thought Tony was going to start arguing again but apparently her glare was sufficient to make him scurry from the room.

 

When he was gone, she sighed and turned back to survey the room. “How does one man make such a mess?”

 

Shaking her head, she started towards the sink to grab the sponge only to step on something that crunched. Taking a breath, she looked down to see what looked like a miniature robot beneath her foot. One that had blending sticks for hands. Well, apparently that's how the egg ended up splattered everywhere.

 

The device underfoot gave no sign of movement so Pepper carefully set it on the kitchen table before starting to scrub the whole place down. All the while cursing Tony and his inventions.

 

 

Two days later found Tony stuck in bed with a high fever and an attitude matching that of a cranky four year old.

 

 

_Five Months Later_ ....

 

Pepper sighed as she entered the house, motions quick and slightly hurried. Tony had a meeting very shortly and she didn't have much time to get him out the door. Which was always a challenge, especially with Darcy around. The man was far too protective sometimes.

 

“Pardon me Miss, but I'm afraid I will need you to identify yourself,” a disembodied voice suddenly cut through the room, causing Pepper to jump.

 

“What on Earth? What has Tony done now...” wondered Pepper out loud as she spun around looking for the source of the voice.

 

“Ma'am, I really do need to know your name otherwise I will be forced to have you evicted from the premises,” informed the voice in a neutral tone with the accent of a British gentleman.

 

“Er,” started Pepper, recognizing one of Tony's insane experiments when she heard one. “Virginia Potts?”

 

“Ah, Pepper!” greeted the voice, far more friendly now that she had done as it asked. “Tony informed me you might be returning home today. My name is Jarvis. Tony ordered that I introduce myself immediately upon your arrival.”

 

Pepper nodded slowly, eyes darting around in search of some kind of physical manifestation. “I'm going to assume that Tony built you, then.”

 

“That would be correct,” confirmed Jarvis. “He indicated an interest in gaining additional assistance in monitoring Darcy while home alone. As well as expressed a need for some form of defense system for the house.”

 

“So he built an AI, that sounds about right,” sighed Pepper. “Very well then, er, Jarvis correct?”

 

“Correct.”

 

“Right,” muttered Pepper as she committed the name to memory while trying to figure out when coming home to disembodied AI voices became normal. “Can you please tell me where Tony is at the moment?”

 

“He is currently in his workshop with Darcy,” replied Jarvis immediately. “Would you like me to get him for you?”

 

“No,” replied Pepper quickly. “I'll go retrieve him myself.”

 

“Very good.”

 

Ignoring the reality that apparently her life had become the embodiment of some insane science fiction novel (which could be where Tony gets some of his ideas from) or a living Star Trek episode (another possible inspiration source), she descended the stairwell that led to Tony's workshop. She couldn't hear his music through the walls, which was good because Darcy did not need to go deaf before she was one. It also worried Pepper a little because a quiet workshop rarely meant anything good. However, as soon as she keyed open the door, a series of notes in no recognizable order or pattern wafted out the open door. Stepping into the room, Pepper tried to find the source of the noise.

 

Tony was at his workbench with headphones in, apparently deciding that he didn't need to monitor Darcy  _at all_ now that he had an AI to do it. Of course, he was in the same room as her and she couldn't walk or crawl yet so there wasn't a lot of trouble she could get into. Looking around for their daughter (that was still hard to wrap her mind around even after almost six months of parenthood), she spotted Darcy laying on some kind of a electronic spider-web like play mat. A series of colored buttons were strung above her head and down by her feet, which she could press and hit. Each time she did, a different musical note was played. Based on the fact that the notes weren't a completely jumbled mass, she apparently had an ear for it.

 

Giggling as she finished the series of notes she'd just played, her eyes darted to Pepper and one little hand came up to wave. Pepper smiled, stopping to kiss Darcy's forehead and shake the little hand gently before she moved on to catching Tony's attention. That would be easier without his music blaring through the workshop.

 

Walking up behind the genius, she reached out to tug one of the earphones out of his ear but he tugged it out before she could and turned to give her a grin. “Hey Pep! Did you meet Jarvis yet?”

 

“Yes,” sighed Pepper, putting on her 'I am currently your assistant, you will do what I say' face. “We'll discuss constructing random AI's without warning later. For now, you have a meeting to get to.”

 

“Uh,” Tony glanced at his watch and furrowed his brow. “When? 'Cause, I have to feed Darcy soon and I pro-”

 

Pepper cut him off with a wave of her hand. “I'll take care of Darcy, that's why I'm actually here rather than calling to tell you this over the phone.”

 

“Besides the fact that the phone never works?” pointed out Tony with a grin.

 

“Besides that,” confirmed Pepper. “Now, that meeting is in,” she glanced at her watch, “thirty minutes and if you aren't there on time, I will be forced to restrict your workshop access again. Now, go.”

 

“But-” started Tony again, but Pepper was already hauling him up from his bench and dragging him out of the workshop.

 

“I'll be back in a minute Darcy!” called Pepper as she pulled Tony out the door.

 

“Jarvis! Watch her!” shouted Tony just before the doors closed behind them.

 

“Of course, Tony.”

 

Letting out a breath, Tony turned back to deal with Pepper. “Look, Pep, I've got this. I don't need to be monitored-”

 

“Yes you do,” corrected Pepper as she dragged him up to his bedroom and shut him inside. “I always have to monitor you. Now, put on something that _doesn't_ have any stains and be out here in five minutes.”

 

“But-” whined Tony through the door.

 

“Five minutes!” repeated Pepper as she looked at her watch. “I'm counting.”

 

She heard Tony stumbling around inside the room, cursing up a storm as he went. With the state his room always seemed to be in, she wasn't surprised. And after the 'mixer robot for cooking' incident, she'd forbidden him to build any more 'robotic help'. Which included a robotic maid and the robotic nanny he was attempting to pitch to her last week before she'd left.

 

It was just shy of five minutes when Tony came bursting back through the door. Apparently, he recalled the last time she'd given him a curfew where his workshop was concerned. It had only been a two day curfew too. “Ready?”

 

“Yeah,” replied Tony as he straightened his tie and gave her his best 'I'm a genius and know I'm better than you' smug look. “How do I look?”

 

Her eyes took in his appearance with a disconnected eye. “Decent. Now go before you're late.”

 

“Yes dear,” joked Tony even as she followed him down to the front door and watched him climb into his car. “Uh, where am I going anyway?”

 

“Stark Industries Headquarters, the closest one,” instructed Pepper with a sigh. “Now go, I'll take care of things here.”

 

“Thanks Pep!” replied Tony as he shifted the car into gear and sped away.

 

Pepper sighed and shook her head, watching until he was actually off the grounds. Then she went up and locked the gate so he couldn't sneak back in. She'd only made that mistake once.

 

Re-entering the house, she wondered back down into the workshop and keyed open the door. Everything was quiet inside, which wasn't really worrying given how bored Darcy tended to get with toys. Except Darcy wasn't laying on her musical pad. Or anywhere in sight. For a moment, Pepper felt her heart stop. “Shit. Darcy? Darcy!” For a split second, she panicked and wondered if someone could have gotten inside without her or Tony noticing. Then, she remembered about Jarvis. “Jarvis!”

 

“Yes, Pepper?” replied the disembodied voice.

 

“Jarvis, did anyone enter this room after Tony and I left?” asked Pepper fearfully.

 

“No, Pepper. I locked the doors once you and Tony had vacated the space.”

 

Pepper let out the breath she'd been holding, but the tension still thrummed through her body. “Do you know where Darcy is?”

 

“I believe Darcy is currently hiding beneath Tony's workbench with a screwdriver.”

 

“What?!” exclaimed Pepper, diving for the workbench. Sure enough, when she knelt to look under the bench, Darcy was waving a screw driver around and giggling. She grinned when she noticed Pepper and immediately made the grabby motion that meant she wanted to be picked up. Pepper scooped her up, hugging the infant as tightly as she could without harming her. “How in the world did you get under there, Darcy?”

 

“I believe she crawled,” commented Jarvis.

 

Pepper turned sharply to look upwards at the ceiling where she assumed some kind of camera was hidden. “Crawled?”

 

“That is what my database says the action is called,” confirmed Jarvis.

 

“When did she start crawling?” asked Pepper, not really expecting an answer.

 

“At least since I have been online,” replied Jarvis. “She has made numerous trips around the workshop on any given day.”

 

Pepper felt a headache coming on. “And Tony didn't think to mention this little detail to me, why?”

 

“I don't believe Tony knows she is capable of locomotion,” explained Jarvis. “His attention has never been on her when she does crawl and she almost always returns to her original location before Tony notices she moved to begin with.”

 

“I'm going to kill him,” muttered Pepper. “Figuratively, of course.” The last bit was added for Jarvis' benefit. The last thing she needed was the house AI thinking she had an agenda against Tony.

 

“Tony has included in my databanks a list of phrases that you are likely to utter in a figurative fashion,” informed Jarvis. “The phrase 'I'm going to kill him' along with the variants: 'Tony is a dead man', except when said tearfully, and 'I'm going to murder him' are included in this list. I have been programmed not to take any phrase on this list that is uttered by you seriously.”

 

“At least he thought ahead,” sighed Pepper as she turned her attention to Darcy. “You're Daddy is getting a severe talking to when he gets home. And possibly a verbal beating.”

 

Darcy giggled in response and waved her prize around a little. It was quickly confiscated and set on the workbench.

 

Exiting the workshop, Pepper moved into the living room upstairs and grabbed the cordless phone out of its cradle. Dialing Tony's number, she moved up into Darcy's room to put the infant in her crib along with a stuffed penguin that Tony had given her (when questioned, all he would say is that penguins are awesome).

 

“Tony Stark, genius philanthropist,” greeted Tony. “What can I do for you?”

 

The sound of wind whipping by the mouthpiece told Pepper he was driving still. Good. “Anthony Stark, you are in  _big_ trouble.”

 

“Pep? What'd I do? I'm going to the meeting!” exclaimed Tony. “Look, whatever it is, I didn't do it. Unless something blew up, then I might have.”

 

“Did you know your daughter could crawl?” asked Pepper, voice tense.

 

“Crawl?” asked Tony cluelessly.

 

“Yes Tony, crawl,” replied Pepper. “As in, move around on her hands and knees. Its a form of childhood locomotion.”

 

For a moment, the line was dead except the sound of wind before Tony came back on. “Oh, is that what its called? Huh. Yeah, I saw her do that once. That's why I invented Jarvis. She nearly gave me a heart attack by hiding under my cot in the workshop.”

 

Pepper felt her eyebrow start to twitch. “Well, she just did the same thing to me, except with a workbench. Care to explain why you didn't feel the need to inform me of this development?”

 

“Uh, it slipped my mind?” tried Tony, voice slightly apologetic.

 

Groaning, Pepper leaned on the island of the kitchen where she'd ended up during their conversation. “Of course it did. Which is why we're going to baby-proof the house when you get home.”

 

“Baby-proof?” asked Tony curiously. “What does that mean?”

 

“It means we're going to put plug-guards in all the wall sockets and put locks on the cabinets that will keep Darcy, and potentially you, out of them,” explained Pepper. “Along with moving anything dangerous or potentially dangerous off the floor that Darcy could get into.”

 

It was Tony's turn to groan. “Do we have to?”

 

“Yes,” replied Pepper. “And from now on, the only way she's allowed in your workshop is if she's in a play-pin.”

 

“Alright,” sighed Tony unhappily. “But do we have to do it tonight?”

 

“Yes,” repeated Pepper. “Now, I'm going to get the things we need and you're going to install them when you get home. Understand?”

 

“Yes dear,” joked Tony.

 

Pepper felt a smirk form. “Good boy.”

 

 

True to her word, Pepper made Tony help her baby-proof the house when he returned home that night. And as she'd predicted, the baby-proofing gave Tony problems. His inability to open some cabinets was a source of humor for the personal assistant/mother. Well, for the first few days. After that, it started to get annoying, to the point where she stopped responding to his cries for help unless absolutely necessary.

 

Which turned out to be pointless a month after they'd proofed the place.

 

“Pepper!” shouted Tony as he pulled uselessly at the cabinet door. “I can't get the cabinet open!”

 

From the floor, Darcy looked up and cocked her head at him curiously. Upstairs, the sound of running water indicated that Pepper had just gotten in the shower.

 

“Crap,” muttered Tony as he released the cabinet and scrubbed at his head. “This is stupid. I'm a genius, I should be able to get a cabinet open. These things are meant to keep out babies, how complex can they be? Er,” looking at Darcy, he noted that she was staring right at him, “no offense Darce.” She giggled at him when he tugged on the cabinet again. “Yeah, yeah, laugh it up kid. I'd like to see you get this thing open.”

 

Releasing the knob, Tony scrubbed at his head in frustration for a moment and muttering under his breath. Darcy cooed a little and shifted so she could crawl over to him. When she reached him, one of her hands came out to grab his leg, drawing his attention. “What's up kid?”

 

She made a little noise and wrapped her other arm around his leg before using it as a support so she could pull herself to her feet. That had happened several times now, so it really wasn't a surprise when she did it. What was surprising was when she let go and toddled a little towards the cabinet. One of her hands came out to rest on the cabinet next to the one Tony was struggling with while the other pulled at the cabinet door her father couldn't open. Once it was open as far as it would go, she reached up and tugged at the plastic strip locking the cabinet, then pushed slightly back so the cabinet opened all the way. Finished with her task, she turned and toddled back to where she'd been playing on the ground, leaving a blinking Tony in her wake. “Oh, so that's how you do it. Thanks Darce.”

 

Retrieving the chips he wanted, Tony closed the cabinet and made his way upstairs with his snack. Pausing at the bathroom door, he knocked several times in the rapid succession that he knew pissed Pepper off. Sure enough, the water inside shut off and half a second later, a dripping-wet redhead was glaring at him in a towel through the cracked bathroom door. “Yes Tony?”

 

“Just thought I'd tell you that Darcy's walking now,” explained Tony. “You got miffed last time I didn't tell you something like that immediately.” Pepper stared at him in wide-eyed shock, so he continued forward quickly. “Also, she can open those baby-lock things on the cabinets, so we probably outta remove 'em. The only people those locks are keeping out now are us.”

 

“You mean you,” muttered Pepper with a groan as she thumped her head against the door frame.

 

“Something like that,” confirmed Tony as he turned back towards the kitchen to collect his daughter for a little father-daughter TV time.

 


End file.
